Sole searching

The time has come for me to confess an addiction I’ve been grappling with for quite some time but only recently has become unmanageable.

This particular obsession is one my father has wrestled with for many years, and it appears that I’m genetically predisposed to the same affliction. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this preface about personal issues and also curious about what type of kryptonite causes the demons in my head to dance, right?

But before I make a startling public revelation, I want to segue into the problems that my unsuccessful battle against this growing monster has created. Like all addictions, there is a monetary component that must be addressed. My disposable income takes a direct hit due to the consequences associated with this uncontrollable desire, with money meant for life’s basic necessities redirected, only to be spent unwisely in this obsessive and all consuming pursuit.

My social life has been adversely affected as well, spending countless hours peeking through the window blinds of my home anxiously awaiting the arrival of a substance that brings me terrific, albeit temporary pleasure. As the moment nears for this tragic dance to begin, my palms begin to sweat with nervous apprehension. The back of my throat becomes dry as my heart unsteadily palpitates; my body an ill-orchestrated symphony in bad need of steady influence. The anxiety behind all of this internal drama marches to such an elevated crescendo that the only recourse is to retreat to my agoraphobic shell.

There is no feeling, no endorphin rush, like the one I get when the moment finally arrives when the little brown box makes it to my doorstep. I wait for the anonymous courier to shuttle out of sight before I nervously open my door and retrieve what it is that he’s left behind.

After I close the door and secure all locks, I hastily tear open the last remaining barrier standing between me and the object of desire that I’ve hungered for so greatly since my last fix. Oh Santa, you’ve never brought me such pleasure!

It stares at me from the inside of a nondescript container, emitting a faint siren call demanding me to come closer. At this point, resistance is futile. I’m no longer a person in control of my faculties, but transformed into an unwilling prisoner to this most deadly of Venus flytraps.

How did I get myself into this predicament? Where did this downward spiral begin? I find little reassurance that it’s a family scar and not an environmentally induced character flaw from which I may have had some culpability. This is another case of Mendel’s lottery in which I definitely didn’t come out ahead.

What is this Faustian relationship that I find myself powerless to resist? Drugs? Alcohol? Apple pie? No, it’s a product most of you probably find rather benign, unless you’re Imelda Marcos or one of the many Mrs. Trumps.

The commodity from which I find myself powerless to resist is the latest, greatest running shoe available. Whenever I see a glitzy new pair of Asics that just by looks alone gives the impression that it can shave a minute off my personal best 5K time, I go through many a maddening series of sleepless nights until I have a pair in my possession.

This malady is a leading cause of the bags hanging under my eyes, and this puffiness was evident last week as I impatiently waited for the arrival of what should be one of the most hyped shoe releases this year: the Asics Gel Kinsei. I won’t go into the many advantages this shoes reportedly has, but I will note the shoe’s heel support is rather unique.

Asics labels this innovation as a “Discrete Heel Unit because the rear foot is separated from the main body of the mid sole. The heel unit comprises several distinct gel pods and a cradle made from highly technical plastic resins.” To put all of this tech speak into layman’s language, the Gel Kinsei has three gel supports to protect your heels against the inevitable abuses of running.

Like all other forms of addiction, satisfying cravings are hollow pursuits. I understand from an advertorial in a current running magazine that Nike has also introduced a new shoe. Hmm, a shoe with an all-air sole …